Yes, yes, I am back to talking about my experiences at Mass. I cannot help it; the most recent Sunday we had a pretty good Mass. My, dare I say, Faith, has been restored. What was the cause of this, you ask? Our parish has a new associate and he presided over the early Mass. I suddenly found myself grinning from ear to ear as he began the celebration with "Pray my sisters and brothers..." What? Sisters and brothers? Not brothers and sisters? Did he really give preference to females over males? And then, when we got to the meat of things, did he include everyone all of us in the Liturgy of the Eucharist?
It was the Feast of the Assumption of Mary. We sang all the oldies but goodies of hymns to Mary. Yes, you got it, "Hail Holy Queen." We also sang a Latin hymn. Now, I absolute do not advocate the return to the Latin Mass. Totally against it. On the other hand, I have no objection to throwing in a little of tradition or a Latin hymn from time to time. I am a historian after all and I have a healthy respect for tradition. I was concerned when the nice young priest (yes, he is a young man) started off his homily. No mention of Mary. I am an advocate of the idea that Mary can be a strong, dare I say feminist, role model and not the usual Mary-as-meek-suffering-Mother. He gave a bit of a story that gave us a sense of who he is (which was nice) and we learned that we (Beloved Husband and I) have a similar academic background. (I could hum our alma mater's fight song, if I knew it, I was that proud.) But he did something remarkable. He related his personal story to the readings and to Mary and to our lives in concrete ways. And he did run on and on. And he managed to walk in front of the altar and not make it hokey.
Lately, I spend Mass thinking about all the things I have to do, or things I need to do. When I am not preoccupied with those things, I look at the statue of Mary and talk to her. My father had a special devotion to Mary and in recent years, I tend to ask her for help. I am not sure if it is because my father has gone to his great reward, or if I am increasingly frustrated by the lack of female examples within the Church presented to me on a weekly basis. The recent developments from the Vatican, classifying
women's ordination as a grave moral sin on the same level as pedophilia, breaks my heart. The more I learn, the more I am discouraged. I can be nothing else but a Roman Catholic. No, I will not go to another denomination. I hope my Church and I find space where we can exist and be satisfied. Right now, I need to know that my Church expects more from me as a woman other than being a servant who must take her cues from men because of my gender and not because of my knowledge or vocation or a mother.
I am not a good Catholic, but I am a faithful one. Lately, I have worried that I am losing my faith. I know that I have to play some role in this faith thing. I cannot sit passively in the pew each Sunday and expect to be made better. But, I have not been encouraged by that Sunday experience, nor by the news from Rome. This past Sunday, I left Mass with a degree of hope. I felt that yes, there can be good men, who can be good priests. Let us hope that there are more good Sundays.
