Trouble

Yesterday the news about the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith's (CDF) assessment of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious (LCWR) broke and since then trouble has been brewing.  The responses from the laity and the women religious alike in social media does not surprise me.  I often wonder where that support is when sisters and nuns are not under direct attack.  Those outside of this debate, or these developments, will pounce upon how the Vatican is persecuting women religious. They will see it as a sign of the Church's subjugation of women.  Everything will be so very clear and awful in the media.  Some commentators will be truly sympathetic, others will just salivate over all this mess.

And it is a mess and awful and hurtful and so frustrating.  As an historian of women religious in America, I have become very familiar with congregations of sisters and nuns and their contribution to the American Catholic Church and to the larger American society.  They have been and continue to be champions of the poor and forgotten.  They are so much more than simply teachers, nurses, social workers, and administrators.  They are not living saints (though I often feel like they are), but deeply committed to their ministries; they are remarkable women of faith.

Here are some interesting examples of support:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/20/opinion/american-nuns-conscience-and-the-vatican.html?_r=1

http://twitter.com/#!/search/%23WhatSistersMeantoMe

Now for Something Completely Different

I did something I haven't done in a very long time this past weekend.  When I say a very long time, I mean decades.  It has been decades since I have done something like this.  I attended a Mass in an unconventional location.  (I did this a couple years ago, but it was conventional in its planning.)  Anyhow, I attended a Mass said by a priest in a very informal setting.  Very few people attended.  It was a mixed faith crowd and everyone participated in some way.

And it was both weird and nice.  And touching on a spiritual level.  It was weird in the setting and the make-shift elements.  Now don't get me wrong, no church laws were broken in the performance of this Mass.  (No one will be excommunicated.)  The interesting thing was that there was this man, who is a priest, who led the show and was what one hopes a priest would be: pastoral.  And parts were divvied up (readers, distributors of communion, so forth.) There was even a homily.  The whole thing was intentional.

Why was it like this?  Is it because I was involved in some way?  Or the smallness of the gathering made me feel a part of something larger?  How do I capture that experience every week?  I won't have the same opportunity for such a celebration any time soon.

Well, this is less a post, than a musing.

Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Next Blog Post

I was reading some of my favorite blogs this afternoon, catching up on all the goings on, and I became inspired to compose one for here.  I think this has been one of my problems with consistent postings: I haven't found much to inspire me.  Or I have just been so freakin' tired, distracted, and otherwise busy to notice that there are inspiring things around me.  Yeah, that might be it.  Since the New Year, things have been a bit different.

One thing that has made a difference is that I haven't been working all the time.  I am still fairly busy with side projects and the like, but I have had a chance to really gain perspective on what matters to me and how I want to live my life.  I know that sounds like I am about to launch into some Greeting Card Moment, or take a page from some self help guide, but I am serious.  A consistent amount of sleep and a decrease in the amount of stress in my life has made me more like myself.  I know my Beloved Husband appreciates that I am not losing my poop on a regular basis, snapping at him for suggesting that he is tired (no one could be more tired than me.  I just did not allow it), and generally being no fun to be around.

Let us take a moment to acknowledge, that things are not perfect.  I still experience stress.  I am still frequently tired.  I am still often busy.  I continue to lose my temper at the weirdest things...

I have done a few things of which I am proud.  While my book is not yet picked up by a publisher, there is still a chance for it.  I know that it might take more than one go-round to get it published, but I have not lost hope.  I have completed other out-standing projects, which has made room to revisit work I had feared would be lost due to time.  (Basically, I have the opportunity to use the research from my dissertation and I couldn't be happier.)  I am on the verge of having a more exciting CV.  All these things make me happy, make me feel like I haven't failed as an historian.

Another aside: it is really easy to feel like a failure in academia.  Man!  There are tons of people, I am sure, who are lovely, generous, and all around good eggs.   That being said, there also tends to be a plethora of people who are obsessed with status and academia is full of hierarchies.  Mean, soul-crushing hierarchies.  And  those at the top, tend to yell the loudest in support of egalitarian ideals.  Funny that.

So, back to being all happy with myself.  Professionally, I have been unhappy with where things have gone.  My current position, which I am grateful to have and generally enjoy many, many things about what I do, can be an exercise in humility and frustration on a regular basis.  The distance I have had between my every day work life and what I had hoped to do professionally has become a chasm and there is only one person who can fix that: me.  So, I have taken tentative steps to rectify the matter and hopefully in the coming semesters I will teach a class.

The last thing I had resolved to do (well not the last thing, but the thing which I actually have done) was get in better shape and be healthier.  Well, I make no case for being the perfect specimen of physical fitness and good  health, but I have joined a gym (I actually go) and joined Weight Watchers (Online.  I could not stomach the meeting and all the potential embarrassment).  Considering I am not good at patience, the slow pace of weight loss has been challenging, but now that I can see actual results, I am not stymied.  I do feel like I might have joined a cult, though.

The rest of my resolutions (granted they were unnamed, so how would you know), to be nicer, stop complaining, that sort of thing, fizzled and died shortly after I made them.   I think there might be an un-social-scientific blog post in complaining and why I think it might be a good thing, but who knows what will happen next.

Thank Goodness!

This is a random post.

First, I think this is awesome. It is all about being kind on the internet.  I am all for kindness and civility.

Second, one of my favorite blogs disappeared.  I couldn't find it anywhere, nor did I find a post saying why it was disappearing.  Well, randomly I searched for it again and I found it. Phew.  Go check it out; it's called The Blisslist.

Third, I think I have figured out some resolutions for the new year, beyond be a better person and have begun to implement them in practical terms.  More later.  For now, seriously, go check The Blisslist. It is full of lovely images and super music.

Resolved

It is the beginning of a brand new year and it is the time for resolutions.  Changing what needs changing; making a new start, with a fresh new attitude.  Right.  Well, I will need to think about that.  I am of a mind that change and resolutions and making a fresh start is a good idea.

Thus we come to the point where I resolved to be a better person, get in shape, and lose all those pesky pounds I need to lose.  Let us think on that and while we do, we will be inspired by Nina Simone. Shall we?

Tripping About

As Christmas approaches, I am remarkably in good spirits.  This is a bit of a change from the last couple years.  I think it has a lot to do with getting more sleep and not working every hour of the day.  Who knows for sure?  We will be traveling again for the holidays (we always travel for Christmas and New Year) and we will be stopping at various family members' homes as we go.  I read this blog post about being with family at the holidays and I hope this won't be the case for our visits.

I am not suggesting that I have the perfect family.  We don't see each very often; we don't live near each other. Getting together at Christmas is an important element to maintaining family relationships.  As my family's children get older, potentially we won't be spending holidays together so that they can be at home.  I hope we can push that off as long as possible.   For now, I comfort myself with a little Perry Como:

Thoughts on a Chilly December Late Afternoon

It is December already and I have not posted since October.  I am currently sitting in my office and thinking about blogging and my lack thereof.  I am also thinking about my work, my job, and (not to sound too much like a pretentious undergrad) the purpose of both.  Currently, I have a great deal of work to do that does not relate to my actual job--the one that actually pays me.  This is all very odd.  Beloved Husband is a professor and he is paid to teach, meet with students, serve on committees, and keep himself engaged as a scholar.  It is a lot and when he talks about committee work and other headache-producing things, I am glad I do not have to deal with that stuff.  When he talks about teaching and when he is very productive as a scholar, I start to long for something different than what is before me.

I work within an academic setting, but more in the administration side of things.  (No I am not an administrator or a dean or anything of any sort of power or influence.)  I work in an environment where we all care very much about the condition of higher education and the best form that should take with regards to faith and Christianity, but I have not been near a classroom since I started this job.  I am in an academic environment, but I have to squeeze minutes that do not exist from the day to be productive as a historian.

And it is December.  Christmas is approaching, a happy thought.  I am listening to some delightful music on 8 Tracks this afternoon.  I follow this photography blog and the author periodically posts a playlist to 8 Tracks.  This afternoon, I have been listening to those he has posted in previous Decembers.   As the light starts to fade from the day, my desk lamp becomes the only thing to illuminate my office.  I do not mind as the room becomes increasingly close.  The desk lamp in a darkened room has always been a comfort to me.   It provides a protective barrier between me and distractions, focusing my thoughts on the page in front of me.  It also softens the hard edges of a room in a way that a glaring florescent overhead light definitely does not.  Florescent lighting makes everything so ugly.  Those ugly distractions...

I think about this as I look at my list of things to do--that list of things that do not have anything to do with my job here.  Those things on my list inspire and engage me.  Do not get me wrong.  My job is quite a good one.  I like it and our mission, and I enjoy the people with whom I work.  That to do list, however, has the potential to fulfill me in a completely different way.  Finding a means of serving both "jobs" is what I struggle with on a daily basis.  Am I doing a good job?  Am I being a good scholar?

The list, oh that list...