Lazarus Came Out to Play and Brought Guilt with Him

This past Sunday we had the Lazarus gospel reading. Despite being incredibly long (of course we did not omit the bracketed passages), I have always like this reading. It is one of the better "stories," if you will. I have always been curious about Mary and Martha and the other readings that show Jesus as human. As I child and then young adult, I repeatedly was struck by how Martha and Mary represented two different models of womanhood. Mary and Martha surface in my own research of women religious as the dual nature of sisters (as opposed to contemplative nuns). In this account of Lazarus coming back to life, Jesus is pained by Lazarus' death. I must admit I am on the sisters' side, as they question why their brother had to die. Why must Lazarus' death be a lesson and cause Mary and Martha so much suffering? This Sunday, instead of the priest giving the homily, the deacon did. This happens periodically at our parish. We have a pastor, an assistant pastor, and three deacons, all of whom are married. I find it interesting that the deacons occasionally give the homilies. I often wonder why no one else can. In other settings, I have seen sisters speak, and not just on the days when someone is asking for money to support retired women religious. In our parish's case, it is only the priests and the deacons who can "interpret" the readings and send us out to face the world. The deacons' homilies are fairly good, usually. Stylistically, there tends to be more walking around and coming down from the alter to stand among the people in the pews. I know some priests do this too. One has to be comfortable in his skin and public speaking and not get too carried away to be successful in this style of preaching. I am not sure which is better. More and more I come to desire straight-forward presentation of thoughtful ideas. I do not need a floor show. This may reflect my up-bringing. (I also am not a fan of hand-holding and the congregation mimicking the gestures of the priest.)

This Sunday, our deacon began his homily by recalling a political gaffe of our president and preceded to talk about guilt and to a lesser extent shame. (I did not appreciate the inclusion of political leaders in his homily. He ended his homily by reminding us again of the political gaffe.) He remarked that we all have moments where we remember all the bad things we have done. They usually haunt us at night when we cannot sleep, or at some other inopportune time. He said that these thoughts are like ghosts and that God sends them to us to remind us how to behave ourselves. Now, I am not a theologian, but I am somewhat familiar with the deeper whys of Catholic teaching. I know what I am supposed to do and when (i.e. follow the commandments, go to Mass, and be good). Otherwise, there is a lot I do not understand or have not studied. I am familiar with guilt and shame. I am guilty about my sins and I feel shame and embarrassment when I remember being mean or when I hurt someone or act selfishly. I wish and pray to be rid of these awful feelings that can prevent me from having a good night's rest. I do try to be kind and generous with others, but I know I fail at that regularly. What I do not understand is how we get from Jesus calling Lazarus out of his tomb and back to life to my past sins are ghost that God has brought back to my life to remind me how bad I am. I understood this account as lesson in faith for Mary and Martha and the rest of their friends who are mourning Lazarus' death with them. And is there not an element of foreshadowing? Jesus will die and rise again. But, I am sure I have missed something. I have my limitations.

But back to guilt and shame. Why has guilt been so ever-present in the Catholic tradition? I know Catholics do not corner the market on guilt and I think shame has its purpose. Shame and guilt keep us in line. We act or do not act at times because we do not want people to think poorly of us. We feel shame when we are found out in our transgression. We feel guilty. But when do we get to be relieved of our guilt? If we ask to be forgiven by God (whether through personal prayer or through the Sacrament of Reconciliation), are we not supposed to be relieved of these burdens? I believe that my role in my faith should not be passive and that I should be challenged to be a better Catholic and person. I do not go to Mass each Sunday simply to feel good about myself. But should there not be a balance between stomach sickening guilt and shame and a superficial pat on the back?

Referring to Oneself in Third Person

Reticent Supervisor has begun to refer to herself thusly, and to assign names to all her acquaintances. As in, Friday evening, the RS and the Erstwhile Medievalist (who wishes to have his name changed) enjoyed a fine dinner with the Reluctant Chairwoman and her husband, the Man of Many Talents. See? It's entertaining. And free.

Dear Prudence; Or Ramblings on the Musical Past/Present

Recently, the Reticent Supervisor mentioned we celebrated our birthdays. Yes, yes...birthdays. Up to and since my birthday, I have thought about aging and questioned if I am getting old. Now, now, I am not about to have a mid-life crisis or anything like that. I have just wondered if the things that culturally defined me and my generation are slipping past relevance. I started thinking this as I was listening to a CD I made of songs from various artists I enjoyed in the 1980s. I entitled this mix the "Fun Mix," because it was in and of itself fun and I really felt a thrill or happy when hearing these songs. Now, it has been over twenty years for some of these songs. Some of the artists now appear on the nearby Classic Rock station. When did U2, Talking Heads, and REM become Classic Rock? I thought those stations were the refuge of the Allman Brothers Band, the Dead, and CCR? Will I turn on the Oldies Station and hear INXS?

Artists like the Who, the Rolling Stones, Robert Plant, and Van Morrison have continued to tour, release new albums, and revisit their older music. Even the Dead have come back to life. When is it time for them to retire? Listening to some of the songs from the new U2 album, I was struck by the fact that while I liked the music, the band's songs did not thrill me as say "I Will Follow," or "New Year's Day," or anything from War or Boy. Now is this because U2 has passed its prime or am I getting old?

I came to maturity at time when the "Baby Boomer" generation dominated popular and political culture. (Thirty-Something and The Wonder Years are two great examples of Boomer-dominated television, unfortunately.) Political struggles, military conflicts, and cultural norms were all compared to the events of the 1960s and 1970s. My generation (is that X? I was a Teen in the mid Eighties), never could measure up to the previous. As feminists, well, we are repeatedly told the women of the 1980s and early 1990s failed miserably in that category. All political protest was apparently mimicking the student protests of the Sixties and never quite as authentic. In terms of music, "Oldies" music was their music and Rock n Roll seemingly sprang from their consciousness.

Before this devolves into a complaint about Baby Boomers and their condescending view of those who have come after then (oops, still complaining), my larger question is whether my generation has come into cultural dominance and if our time has passed. Did VH1's I Love the 80s and its hilarious survey of this decade's pop culture indicate that something had changed? (When the channel ventured into the 1990s, I started to question their historicism. Can the 1990s be history? Hardly, she scoffed.) Are there a plethora of television programs and movies devoted to people of my age group? The USA Network's Psych certainly is a good example of this. This hilarious show is full of references to the 1980s youth culture done in a clever and witty manner. I am unable, however, to think of many dramas or sit-coms right now that speaks directly to the concerns of people in their late thirties and forties in the same way. Has our generation failed to imprint the larger culture? Have we bypassed this opportunity for reality programing? Or do we have enough collective sense not to be so navel-gazing? (Oops, that's another shot, isn't it?)

Returning to music, I have discovered Pandora and I am able to listen online to various "stations" based around artists I enjoy. While there are current (or newer) musicians I like, Pandora has enabled me to listen at length to music from my high school and early college years. When new music starts to grate on my nerves (why the omnipresent Amy Winehouse, Death Cab for Cutie, and the Fray?), I can take comfort in the Jam, Talking Heads, New Order, Psychedelic Furs, and Siouxie and the Banshees, among other artists. If anyone understands my ramblings and needs a little Siouxie and the Banshees, check out this video of "Dear Prudence." (Come on, it was bound to happen as some point with a blog entitled Perfection of Prudence.)

Notable Birthdays

Celebrating birthdays, even of people long dead, makes me happy. As a matter of fact, it has always made me happy. Celebrating anniversaries of all sorts has been a moderate obsession since I can remember. (I compelled my mother to hold Sister #1 in front of the mirror as a very little thing, to tell her how old she was. "Sister 1, today is November 7, 1977, and you are 10 days old.")

So, indulge me while I forget that today is Infrastructure and Filing Day in the office by sharing a list of important March Sixes:

Michaelangelo, 1475

Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1806

Santa Anna Captures the Alamo, 1836
(being quasi-Texased, I may also consider this the day of Davy Crockett's martyrdom)

Ghana Gains Independence, 1957

A Moment of Science

In twelve hours and five minutes I will be discussing a paper with my colleagues about how antimicrobial peptides cross the membrane and enter into the cytoplasm (guts) of E. coli cells. This is exciting because I am in the middle of performing similar experiments with a different, but similar type of bacterial cells. However . . . after working a long day all I really wanted to do was read news blogs. S0, my unwinding time of 11pm-Midnight is now over and I have to make the gruesome decision about whether to stay up for a few hours and prepare notes for the talk or to wake up at an obscene hour to perform this task. Decisions. Decisions. 

If you're REALLY curious, here's the article title. Happy Googling!

"The Antimicrobial Peptide Polyphemusin Localizes to the Cytoplasm of Escherichia coli following Treatment"

Making It, Explained.

This is a thick term in my mental lexicon. Social scientists would probably equate my understanding of making it with resilience.

It's the term I use to signify:
(1) experiencing the trauma, oppression, or prolonged hardship that occupies most or all of a person's bandwidth (death and illness qualify; poverty qualifies; abusive relationships qualify...etc.)
(2) being relegated to the cultural margins (e.g., pressed by the circumstance such that exigency, rather than choice or preference, dictates decisions or courses of action)
(3) recovering and rejoining the ranks of the less-pressed

I like Earl Shoriss because he helps people make it. I like myself and my sisters because we are making it. Hmm.

Ramblings, While Waiting for a File

I haven't the gumption this morning to start an administrative task while waiting for an essential project file to packet through the ether.

So I thought of telling y'all (all three of you) that it smells like spring and dirt-waking-up outside, and the neighbor is having his roof torn off and replaced. Rosebud and I like our birthdays, because just about this time (hers is today and mine two weeks ago), it begins to seem that we'll make it through the winter. It's touch and go every year, see, and has a lot more to do with whether we shoveled enough snow to let the postman through and melted enough ice to keep litigious passers by appeased. What do you suppose it is that prevents people from fleeing Alaska, Siberia, and upper Minnesota en masse?

And now, the file, ladies and gentlemen. We therefore return you to your regularly scheduled programming.