This past Sunday we had the Lazarus gospel reading. Despite being incredibly long (of course we did not omit the bracketed passages), I have always like this reading. It is one of the better "stories," if you will. I have always been curious about Mary and Martha and the other readings that show Jesus as human. As I child and then young adult, I repeatedly was struck by how Martha and Mary represented two different models of womanhood. Mary and Martha surface in my own research of women religious as the dual nature of sisters (as opposed to contemplative nuns). In this account of Lazarus coming back to life, Jesus is pained by Lazarus' death. I must admit I am on the sisters' side, as they question why their brother had to die. Why must Lazarus' death be a lesson and cause Mary and Martha so much suffering? This Sunday, instead of the priest giving the homily, the deacon did. This happens periodically at our parish. We have a pastor, an assistant pastor, and three deacons, all of whom are married. I find it interesting that the deacons occasionally give the homilies. I often wonder why no one else can. In other settings, I have seen sisters speak, and not just on the days when someone is asking for money to support retired women religious. In our parish's case, it is only the priests and the deacons who can "interpret" the readings and send us out to face the world. The deacons' homilies are fairly good, usually. Stylistically, there tends to be more walking around and coming down from the alter to stand among the people in the pews. I know some priests do this too. One has to be comfortable in his skin and public speaking and not get too carried away to be successful in this style of preaching. I am not sure which is better. More and more I come to desire straight-forward presentation of thoughtful ideas. I do not need a floor show. This may reflect my up-bringing. (I also am not a fan of hand-holding and the congregation mimicking the gestures of the priest.)
This Sunday, our deacon began his homily by recalling a political gaffe of our president and preceded to talk about guilt and to a lesser extent shame. (I did not appreciate the inclusion of political leaders in his homily. He ended his homily by reminding us again of the political gaffe.) He remarked that we all have moments where we remember all the bad things we have done. They usually haunt us at night when we cannot sleep, or at some other inopportune time. He said that these thoughts are like ghosts and that God sends them to us to remind us how to behave ourselves. Now, I am not a theologian, but I am somewhat familiar with the deeper whys of Catholic teaching. I know what I am supposed to do and when (i.e. follow the commandments, go to Mass, and be good). Otherwise, there is a lot I do not understand or have not studied. I am familiar with guilt and shame. I am guilty about my sins and I feel shame and embarrassment when I remember being mean or when I hurt someone or act selfishly. I wish and pray to be rid of these awful feelings that can prevent me from having a good night's rest. I do try to be kind and generous with others, but I know I fail at that regularly. What I do not understand is how we get from Jesus calling Lazarus out of his tomb and back to life to my past sins are ghost that God has brought back to my life to remind me how bad I am. I understood this account as lesson in faith for Mary and Martha and the rest of their friends who are mourning Lazarus' death with them. And is there not an element of foreshadowing? Jesus will die and rise again. But, I am sure I have missed something. I have my limitations.
But back to guilt and shame. Why has guilt been so ever-present in the Catholic tradition? I know Catholics do not corner the market on guilt and I think shame has its purpose. Shame and guilt keep us in line. We act or do not act at times because we do not want people to think poorly of us. We feel shame when we are found out in our transgression. We feel guilty. But when do we get to be relieved of our guilt? If we ask to be forgiven by God (whether through personal prayer or through the Sacrament of Reconciliation), are we not supposed to be relieved of these burdens? I believe that my role in my faith should not be passive and that I should be challenged to be a better Catholic and person. I do not go to Mass each Sunday simply to feel good about myself. But should there not be a balance between stomach sickening guilt and shame and a superficial pat on the back?
No comments:
Post a Comment