Well, it is Lent and I am not prepared. Again. I have experienced Lent for a lot of years now. When I was a kid, I did the usual giving up of sweets and things of that nature. I tried to remember to be nicer or better behaved. By the time I went to college, I wanted to take a more adult approach to Lent and I was informed by the social justice bent of my Catholic university. Yet, still, my efforts nearly always came back to giving up some food with a smattering of "doing good."
As I have moved through the world as an independent adult, I have increasingly felt a step out of tune with Catholics around me. Fortunately, my Beloved Husband and I are generally on the same page with our approach to religion. We tend to be satisfied with an efficient and straight forward Mass and we hold on to a few practices we are not supposed to do any more (i.e. kneel after communion instead of the new fashion standing.) We tend to find dramatic expressions of devotion off-putting. (How is whether or not someone gives the reading with dramatic pauses more authentic?) When I look around at the people in the pews I think, what am I doing wrong? They all seem to be rather earnest and dedicated. Many of them have their own copy of the missal. They all eagerly hold hands during the "Our Father" and gesture with their hands during the Mass. They seem to pay attention to the sermon, when I am making mental lists about what I have to do this week. We seem to make every effort to duck any kind of service to the parish, including bringing the gifts up.
Maybe it is Lent, but I have not been the most enthusiastic of Catholics. We have been on a downward spiral of doom and gloom for weeks. Now that we are official in Lent, the music has taken a definite depressing turn (If we sing one more song about "These Forty Days" I may get up and leave). Even when we are not in Lent, the music tends to be a beat too slow, as if we all cannot keep up, and rather dour. I am generally a fan of the Glory and Praise hymnal (fond memories from grammar school), but I have had it up to my eyeballs with "Eagles' Wings ," I" am the Bread of Life," and "Be Not Afraid." Today, the assistant pastor recycled with a little editing the same sermon he used last year about this time. Sure, he might have been trying to perfect his message, but somehow, I doubt it. Either way, I was still left with a feeling of uncertainty as to what I am supposed to do. The general message is: be nice to everyone, give money to the Church, and God loves us. Hm... How nice.
What is the solution? I will not leave Catholicism. It is not the problem. Prayer? Read spiritual literature? When should I do that? Maybe I will just keep on trying. If I keep going back, maybe something will come from it. But, what to do for Lent? I guess I will give up some food again.
As I have moved through the world as an independent adult, I have increasingly felt a step out of tune with Catholics around me. Fortunately, my Beloved Husband and I are generally on the same page with our approach to religion. We tend to be satisfied with an efficient and straight forward Mass and we hold on to a few practices we are not supposed to do any more (i.e. kneel after communion instead of the new fashion standing.) We tend to find dramatic expressions of devotion off-putting. (How is whether or not someone gives the reading with dramatic pauses more authentic?) When I look around at the people in the pews I think, what am I doing wrong? They all seem to be rather earnest and dedicated. Many of them have their own copy of the missal. They all eagerly hold hands during the "Our Father" and gesture with their hands during the Mass. They seem to pay attention to the sermon, when I am making mental lists about what I have to do this week. We seem to make every effort to duck any kind of service to the parish, including bringing the gifts up.
Maybe it is Lent, but I have not been the most enthusiastic of Catholics. We have been on a downward spiral of doom and gloom for weeks. Now that we are official in Lent, the music has taken a definite depressing turn (If we sing one more song about "These Forty Days" I may get up and leave). Even when we are not in Lent, the music tends to be a beat too slow, as if we all cannot keep up, and rather dour. I am generally a fan of the Glory and Praise hymnal (fond memories from grammar school), but I have had it up to my eyeballs with "Eagles' Wings ," I" am the Bread of Life," and "Be Not Afraid." Today, the assistant pastor recycled with a little editing the same sermon he used last year about this time. Sure, he might have been trying to perfect his message, but somehow, I doubt it. Either way, I was still left with a feeling of uncertainty as to what I am supposed to do. The general message is: be nice to everyone, give money to the Church, and God loves us. Hm... How nice.
What is the solution? I will not leave Catholicism. It is not the problem. Prayer? Read spiritual literature? When should I do that? Maybe I will just keep on trying. If I keep going back, maybe something will come from it. But, what to do for Lent? I guess I will give up some food again.
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