Oral History

This is an interesting post from Emily Toth at the Wellesley Centers for Women Blog. She is writing about interviewing subjects for her history projects. I have conducted interviews both one on one and in groups for my History Project and it is a daunting thing. I am uncomfortable talking to people in this way and fear I am prying. At the same time, I want them to tell me their history. I very much agree with Professor Toth's perspective on interviews. It is a difficult task, and one should not expect to be good at it the first time one conducts an oral interview. I know I have made mistakes and my most recent interviews were not my first. The problem is that you have to ask the right questions to get them to feel comfortable. If you go right for the one thing you want to know, subjects tend to avoid answering that question.

Depending on who you interview, there will be a tendency to dodge or down play their involvement or role in the historical event you seek to understand. People will also re-write their personal history or miss-remember. The interviews with groups of people (as long as they were small and everyone was friends) proved helpful because if one could not remember accurately, someone else helped to jog her memory or clarify. It is always helpful to have a recording machine of some sort. My notes were not always helpful. They, however, came in handy when I listened to the recordings where the settings were off and there are skips. Another good thing to have is a list of questions for your interviewees. That way, they are prepared.

Now I am in the tricky place of using those interviews. Another set of problems arise. How to be accurate? Interviews have to be substantiated with other sources, just like any other source. A letter or diary entry may describe an event or a relationship just as inaccurately as an oral source. My last and largest concern is that my subjects are still living. I am incidentally also concerned that I am writing a history where many people who lived through this are still living and they may take issue with what I have to say. I try to work through that. For those who I have interviewed, they came to these meetings with the understanding that I would use this information for the history and they signed releases. I am very conscious of my responsibility to write these women's history. I take great care in being accurate and respectful. I get concerned that I am too nice or kind and have not provided enough analysis, but I have to work with what I have.

After listening again to the recordings, I am amazed at these women's lives. They are not saints, but they have devoted their lives to serving others. They have listened to their hearts and to what God wants for and from them. They have done much good in the world. Not everyone can say that about themselves. The listening to God aspect may not fit with every one's life and belief system, but can we all say that how we act in the world is for the best or that some one's life if better for our actions? I have learned this by taking the time to listen and conducting oral history.

Temper

I have a temper. It is one of those flash tempers that goes off at some of the most stupid times. I will totally overreact to a little thing like if I break something or if something is out of place after mentioning the said thing is out of place repeatedly. I stumble across said thing and lose it. (The previous sentence makes it seem like I am a neat-nick--not the case. I am a clutter freak who craves order.) I tend to fight, fight, and fight again, the same battles and get upset by the same things when I should let whatever it is go and not waste energy on being angry about whatever is making me mad.

But, sometimes, it feels so good to wrap myself up in that anger, that righteous indignation over the littlest of things. I know that I am so much better than the person or people with whom I am angry. I would not do such a thing. I would not be so insensitive, unfeeling, and self-absorbed as these offenders.

Here are a few things which get my goat (in no particular order):

1. bad parkers who take up more than one parking space.
2. people who play their car radios so loud (with base) that you can hear it in your house.
3. people who treat their dogs poorly
4. people who throw their gum wrappers (or any other minor debris and/or garbage) out their car window. This includes people who throw their cigarettes out their car windows.
5. people who let their dogs crap on my lawn and don't pick it up.

I know, only five. If there are only five things in the world that bother me that much to unfurl my righteous indignation, I should count my blessings. But, Jiminy Crickets, seems like I am expending a lot of energy on such little things when there are real problems out there. Trouble is, my temper will flare at more than these five, I just can't think of any others right now. I envy people who seem balanced, centered. They also tend to be people who exercise regularly and have their lives together. While I am not "a mess," I could use some fine-tuning. If I got myself into better order, if I made a conscious effort to curb my temper, do all that healthy exercise thing, I wonder if I would feel better? It seems like a lot of work.

Momentum

Dr. Crazy over at Reassigned Time has a post (a few posts ago) about taking time or not taking time off between undergraduate and graduate schools. I believe it began with a post by Tenured Radical, but I enjoy Dr. Crazy's perspective on things and it is her entry that makes me post this afternoon.

Having proper momentum and the right amount of ambition is very important for academics. We dedicate our lives to research and writing while working as teachers or at some other profession (because research and writing does not pay the bills, much). It is hard to do basically two jobs, plus the "work" of keeping her personal life going (including occasionally vacuuming your floors and cleaning your bathroom). Dr. Crazy commented on why she did not take a break in between her undergraduate and graduate studies and I heartily agree with every reason for pushing on through. It is exhausting mentally and physically, but it is an important lesson in momentum, and the other thing I learned from high school physics, inertia. A body at rest tends to stay at rest. In my case, I went from undergrad to my masters program, but changed graduate schools for my doctorate. This was kind of a big deal because I was not very successful in my masters program. I was not unsuccessful, but I was not the shining star of the department. I was ill prepared emotionally (I was clueless) for the riggers of grad school. A bunch of overly ambitious, insecure history students all vying for the attention of a couple established scholars at a time when Women's history was dominated by theory. I am surprised we didn't have weekly cry-fests, men included, over the pressure.

I left that program in search of one that fit me and my own ambitions and I found one. But, it took over a year and two application cycles to land where I was meant to be. (I am not one for fate and destiny, but there are place and times when people are where they a meant to be.) I, however, came very close to not getting in to a new program. Then what? I had to face the possibility of not realizing my "vocation." I would be stuck, in place, with very prospects and frankly a dampened spirit. (I also had the good fortune of being dumped during my masters experience. Good fortune because he turned out to be the worst person for me.) Crisis averted, I got in and I was very grateful and filled with renewed ambition. I managed to handle myself in classrooms, strove to over come any residual shyness from my youth (which still lingers, but teaching beat that down fairly well). I had a research and professional agenda. I faced the possibility that more graduate school could lead me further and further away from marriage, children, etc., what all my college friends were doing. By my late twenties, I was back on track.

I was also really tired. I worked full time to support myself in school and amassed a sizable student loan debt. And I got really tired. It took a long time to finish my PhD, but I did it. Got married in between, moved a couple times, other personal stuff happened, and here I am. I am forty, really tired, and not sure where my career is going. I am bound by place because I could not imagine living apart from my Beloved Husband. Yet, in a few months, I will have a draft of a book and a new job.

So, momentum. If I had kept going and not changed programs, my life would be a bit different. Maybe I would have that tenure track position. The ambitious part of me covets that life. I know that I am the only one that keep my current momentum going. I do not regret the change and all the good things that happened in between. I am quite satisfied with most everything. I am still very tired. Seriously, I wish I could get some rest and feel refreshed for a new day of work. I have a sneaky suspicion no one I know is wide awake; everyone is tired. Now, for another cup of coffee and I will keep moving to finish that draft.

Is a Theoretical Framework Really Necessary? Or How I am Bogged Down with Notes

I am in the midst of another chapter and I am lost in the wilderness of notes, events, and "really good examples" to make my point. But, what exactly is my point? Ah...that is the problem. I am working on a chapter that is basically a show and tell of events. The basic premise is that this Big Turning Point which few take note of occurred and then the Obvious Big Turning Point happened and then all heck broke loose over the next two decades. So, I have already made my point about the two turning points in a previous chapter. Now I am dealing with all the heck breaking loose. So, let us just say my current chapter is replete with potential examples, but very little interpretation. Hence my current problem.

I would like to be a better blogger. I would like to be a more consistent poster. (Wouldn't hurt to have some actual readers, either.) Right now, I am quite consumed by this project and problems like the one mentioned here. I am making my way through it and I hope to come to the point where I am on the other side of this work. I want to move onto the next thing. I was asked what I was going to do next yesterday and I had no idea what to say. We have to have that next project; it is part of the professional intellectual life. The next step in my professional life will take me off into a new world (sort of) and I am not sure what I will have time for intellectually. I will be more dependent upon my own ambition and motivation to continue an intellectual life. At this moment, when I am intellectually exhausted from my current project, I have a hard time seeing myself pushing on to the next thing.

Is it for that reason that I have stalled and taken a wrong turn and found myself lost? Is that why I cannot develop a theoretical framework for this chapter? Or is it that I am just tired? Not quite sure. Maybe I should stop blogging and get back to work.