The End is Near

I am correcting papers this afternoon. This is the last small paper before my students turn in their final paper next week. Then the semester will be over. Lots of things will be over and I am slightly sad about that. I will start a new job at the end of the summer and I have mixed feelings about the change. I will discuss that at another time when I have more time to think about it.

No, today I am focusing on these small papers and I cannot help but wonder if I have done any good this semester. I have worked very hard this semester on my History Project. It has taken up a lot of my time and definitely my energy. As I am writing all the time, I cannot get away from it. This Sunday at Mass, after ransacking my own purse for paper, I asked my Beloved Husband in whispered tones if he had some receipts in his pockets I could use. So, instead of listening to the homily, I took notes. Periodically throughout the Mass, when I was supposed to be paying attention, I leaned over to BH and whispered crazy things like "remember feminism" so that we would both keep these ideas in our collective heads. I think the people in the pews around us inched away ever-so slowly to make sure the lightening bolt did not hit them when God smote us.

So, I am distracted and I fear that I have not done my best this semester. Have my students learned anything about religious women's history? Have they learned anything about writing and crafting a coherent argument? You may be wondering, gentle reader(s) if I ask these questions because I am correcting small papers. If you are, then you would be 100% right! As I read these papers, I notice the same mistakes that my students have made all semester long. They are not reading directions. They did not incorporate all the materials I asked from them. They are for the most part reasonably intelligent people and so my only conclusion is this: they do not care. They do not care enough to do all they can to do well. Sure, sure, they have lots going on in their lives and my class is not the only one they take. I cannot help but think that I have not conveyed to them the seriousness and importance of the class. They are at the end and they want to be elsewhere.

I cannot fight this, because I too am at the end. My focus is elsewhere and upon other matters. This is not the first semester that my schedule has been full of many different responsibilities and obligations. It seems, however, that I have not managed to compensate. It saddens me on some level that I have not given my students my best. At the same time, I am tired and I need to move on from this schedule. Now that it is almost over, I hope that my students leave my class with something positive. I hope, despite my crazy semester, they have profited from the course.

Happy Birthday Charlotte Bronte

Today is Charlotte Bronte's birthday. I read Jane Eyre, oh, so many years ago, when I was maybe twelve or so. I know it was before high school, when I was still in that terribly romantic phase of reading. I loved that book, probably much more than Bronte's sister Emily Bronte's Whuthering Heights. Jane Eyre encompasses so many different feelings of longing for love and acceptance, and a keen and sad awareness of a young woman's lack of beauty. Throw in a few dark secrets, sweeping landscapes, and a young, bookish girl has all she needs to content herself.

Blinded by Love? Or Why Can't Women Criticize Other Women for Being Stupid?

The New Agenda Blog did it again. There is yet another post criticizing a woman for critiquing women's actions and comportment. For the most part, I enjoy the New Agenda's blog. It has some reasonably thoughtful commentary and does a fairly good job at advocating feminism and equality for all women. Their big issue is getting more women elected to public office and seemingly no one has gotten over Hillary Clinton's defeat to President Obama. It happened. Time to move on.

Today, "Henrietta" posted on Tina Fey's apparent abandonment of women because she has "crossed a line" and gotten a little too negative. She apparently repeatedly targets underprivileged women. For example, she has lampooned the women with whom Tiger Woods had affairs. According to some who left comments on the recent post, Fey has also been too hard on Sarah Palin. Amy Siskind in particular gave one cruel, yes cruel, commenter a "Say it Sista!" of what? congratulations, support, a note of agreement?*

I feel no remorse in calling out Ms. Siskind because she is the president of The New Agenda, which proclaims that it is providing a "voice for all women." Apparently that voice only extends to positive remarks. Any negative comments, or criticism, however merited will be taken as an act of misogyny. Because Fey dared to criticize another woman, she is accused of "acting like men" and she has abandoned her sex. She is a traitor. Why is it presumed that all women have to get along and agree to further the cause of women's equality in society? This makes no sense. If you do not like Fey's humor, do not watch, but do not attack her for not being a big enough cheerleader for all women.

* I contemplated leaving a comment, but I assumed I would be lumped in with all those women-haters. So, instead, I rant here. What is the point of having a blog if I cannot speak my mind?

Feeling Good about the Girl Scouts

I was a Brownie for two years and a Girl Scout for one. I had fleeting moments during my tenure of enjoying it. I did not normally like it. I think it had a lot to do with my general shy nature and that I was in a troop with a bunch of girls from the local public school and I attended the local Catholic school. They had all been together for years, and I was the "outsider." I also did not like the idea of going camping and having to dig a hole to go to the potty. Seemed barbaric, not to mention unsanitary.

The cookie sale was another bit of pressure I did not appreciate. My household (my parents) took the spirit of the sale to heart and would not sell the cookies for me. I had to go door to door. They wanted me to learn to be more outgoing and all the good things that go along with it and I appreciate that. Now. At the time, it bugged me that all the other girls in the troop had their parents selling boxes at their respective workplaces. Shocker, I did not do well in the competition.

That being said, this post on the New Agenda Blog made me feel proud of my association with the Girl Scouts. There also some cool illustrations.

"I'm going crazy, I'm standing here solidly on my own two hands and going crazy."

Let me start by saying I love the movie, Philadelphia Story. I love Katherine Hepburn in this movie. Kudos go to Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart, and all the supporting cast. I am of the mind that High Society is only good when Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra sing, except with Frank sings that song, drunk, to Grace Kelly. My apologies for speaking ill of the dead, but Ms. Kelly, her highness, was the weakest link of that remake of Philadelphia Story.

With all that said, I have always felt uncomfortable with the subplot of the story of Tracy Lord's father's affair. Tracy is mad at her father and encourages her mother to kick the philanderer out of the house, which she does. All this happens before the play/movie begins. We learn throughout the progress of the movie that Tracy, in the past, failed to have compassion for anyone, including her first husband C. K. Dexter Haven (Cary Grant), who had a drinking problem. All this works and is understandable. We know that Dext's drinking is bad, but her lack of sympathy and kindness towards him is also not so nice.

Yet, then there is her father. It is never said outright in the play/movie that Seth Lord has an affair, but everywhere implied. (Her Uncle Willie, is a notorious pincher of women, so apparently the philandering gene is omnipresent in the family.) Through the course of the movie, Tracy comes to learn that she has had a wrong view of human frailty. It is pointed out to her in blunt terms, one body blow after another, until she is humbled and confused, and then, she meets her parents and see how they have "made up." (Mary Nash, who plays Mrs. Margaret Lord, is excellent in this role. On the surface she seems like a ditz, but in reality she sees and feels things deeply.) At this point in the plot, Tracy is chastised again, but this time by her father. He pretty much tells her that he had an affair because she, his daughter, was not doting enough. She did not have blind affection for him, so therefore he felt unloved, and therefore sought blind affection from a younger woman, a dancer.

Here is the scene in question from Philadelphia Story:

Mr. Lord: .....What most wives fail to realize is that their husband's philandering has nothing whatever to do with them.
Tracy: Oh? Then, what has it to do with?
Mr. Lord: A reluctance to grow old, I think. I suppose the best mainstay a man can have as he gets along in years is a daughter - the right kind of daughter.
Tracy: How sweet!
Mr. Lord: No, no. I'm talking seriously about something I've thought over thoroughly. I've had to. I think a devoted young girl gives a man the illusion that youth is still his.
Tracy: Very important, I suppose.
Mr. Lord: Oh, very, very. Because without her, he might be inclined to go out in search of his youth. And that's just as important to him as it is to any woman. But with a girl of his own full of warmth for him, full of foolish, unquestioning, uncritical affection -
Tracy: None of which I've got -
Mr. Lord: None. You have a good mind, a pretty face, a disciplined body that does what you tell it to. You have everything it takes to make a lovely woman except the one essential - an understanding heart. And without that, you might just as well be made of bronze.
Tracy (deeply hurt): That's an awful thing to say to anyone.
Mr. Lord: Yes, it is indeed.
Tracy: So, I'm to blame for Tina Mara, am I?
Mr. Lord: To a certain extent, I expect you are.
Tracy: You coward.
Mr. Lord: No. But better that than a prig or a perennial spinster, however many marriages.
Mrs. Lord: Seth, that's too much.
Mr. Lord: I'm afraid it's not enough, Margaret. I'm afraid nothing is.
Tracy: What, what did you say I was?
Mr. Lord: Do you want me to repeat it?
Tracy: 'A prig and a...' You mean, you think I think I'm some kind of a goddess or something?
Mr. Lord: If your ego wants it that way, yes. Also, you've been talking like a jealous woman.
Tracy: 'A...' What's the matter with everyone all at once, anyhow?

At this point, Tracy, attacked on all sides, starts drinking. We know that she does not drink much because she does not like the way alcohol makes her lose control. Once drunk, she has a great time, but stumbles. For those of you have not seen the movie, I will not reveal how it ends. Needless to say, it ends perfectly.

I am uncomfortable with the above dialogue because Seth Lord tries to push his own guilt off on someone else, his child. Yes, his philandering has little to do with his wife; it has everything to do with his own failings, his own sins. Blaming his child, albeit a grown one, is simply wrong. Is this a reflection of its time? Hepburn was no stranger to feminism. I highly doubt she would associate herself with a production (she was in the stage version of it as well) if it demeaned women. Tracy's behavior after she starts drinking and how she echoes all the criticism laid at her (especially those of Dexter) to Macaulay Connor (Jimmy Stewart) after consuming at least 2 bottles of champagne are poignant and telling. (I won't get into the willingness of Miss Imbry to sublimate her own desires and feelings to Connor's, even as he thinks he is in love with Tracy. That is for another time.)

When it comes to marriage or any type of solemn vow, breaking that vow is a grave and selfish offense. Ultimately, the bigger lesson is that don't judge people too harshly, because no one is above sin or failure. Yet, it still bothers me that Seth Lord says what he does to his daughter. They "make up" before the end of the movie, but how does one really come back from what he says to her?

Writing as a Grown Up Historian

I am in the midst of writing another chapter for my History Project and it is not going well. I am officially behind, again, and I have some long days ahead of me to complete it. It will be an important chapter and I think that is part of the reason it is taking so long to write. All the chapters from this point on are very important because they touch upon areas of my particular subject that have not had enough attention.

Research is always the fun part of my job. Notorious PhD Girl has a three-part post about research (read all three). Clio' Disciple has done the same. They have done a great job giving practical advice. They deal with Medieval history, which I do not, but some of the basic principles apply. The trouble begins when it is time to take the Research Notes and develop Actual Chapters. Now, this is not impossible, but if one is a slow writer like myself, it can be difficult to sift through everything and find all the details that will help craft my prose. Everyone works in different ways. I find it helpful to take all my notes on computer. If I cannot take notes on computer while in an archives, I resort to the paper tablet. When I do not transcribe or take notes, I photocopy. The tricky part is making sure everything is organized, otherwise when time comes for the writing, I can waste too much time searching for what I need.

This latest project has been a great test for me. I have written my dissertation and that was OK. It was hardly great. I finished it and started working on this new project before I had time to do anything with my dissertation. I want to return to it at some point when I finish this current History Project. The test for me is trusting that what I have to say is worthwhile, that the conclusions I make are valid. As a PhD Student, I worked within an established historiographical field guided by a committee/adviser. I was an apprentice. With the PhD behind me, I work as a professional historian without that safety net. I make my way then as a Grown Up Historian. I suppose after all these years, it is about time. What was the point of all that education and study, if I cannot think and work with confidence?