Not at Home

In my professional life, I work for an organization that keeps religious ecumenicalism at the core of its mission.  To say that I am supportive of this aspect of the mission is a mild understatement.  Interestingly enough, while I study the history of religion in the United States, through my work, I have come to understand more about this history by working with people of different faiths.  (As a historian of Catholicism in America and a life-long practicing Catholic, one can get a little insular.)  I continue to be amazed and awed by other people's faith in God.  Sometimes it is palpable.  Everywhere around me are individual expressions of belief and how God works in their lives.  I am awed by this, because while I believe and depend upon my faith to sustain me when I am most troubled, at the same time, I quickly forget how God is present when things are good and I am free from concern and worry.  In the presence of such faithful people, I do not measure up to their constancy and devotion.

My job takes me into other denominational prayer life and worship.  Yep, I am committing the Biggest Catholic Sin Ever; I go to Protestant services and pray, well, non-traditional, Catholic-type prayers.  Oh, how my nineteenth and early twentieth century Catholic ancestors are spinning in their graves!  (I must be ever on my guard!)  In reality, it has been helpful and to be frank, helped me take a good look at what I believe and why.   It is also interesting that while I feel welcomed and accepted among Protestant congregations and worship services, I do not feel at home there.  That Catholic stamp is fixed upon my soul.  When I walk into a Catholic church and sit in the pews, I am home.

The scholar in me wants to know and understand more.  I was born after Vatican II. I never knew the white-ethnic Church that I study.  I am a cradle Catholic, the daughter of parents of who did inhabit that world and they shaped my identity.  Am I such a strong supporter of a Catholic Cultural Identity because of them, or because of what I study?  As I see mainline Protestant denominations blurring the lines which distinguished each other doctrinaly, why do I want to maintain a separateness?  When I think about this or look closely at what I believe and why, I find myself pushing back against the very ecumenical principles and ideas I so strongly defend.  So, what does that mean?